What Six Providers in Two Years Taught Me About Asking Better Questions

There is a moment that a lot of parents describe to me in almost exactly the same way.

You have just left an appointment. You sat in the waiting room, you answered all the questions, you described everything you’ve been observing. The provider was kind. They took notes. They were not dismissive.

And then they told you some version of: let’s just watch it.

You smiled and said thank you. You walked to your car. You sat there for a minute before you could drive.

Because something still felt off. And you didn’t have the words to push back.

That moment — the parking lot moment — is where a lot of families I work with have been. More than once. Sometimes for years.

What I Know Now That I Didn’t Know Then

I am an SLP and myofunctional therapist. I have been doing this work for years. I have three daughters who all had airway and oral function challenges. And I still found myself in that parking lot.

With my oldest, I noticed her open mouth posture early. I brought it to her pediatrician. I was told it wasn’t a concern. I waited. She breathed with her mouth open until she was four years old, when I finally found a provider who looked at her and said: this is a problem, and we are going to address it now.

I remember sitting in that appointment feeling relief and guilt at the same time. Relief that someone finally saw what I had been seeing. Guilt that it had taken four years.

With my middle daughter, we caught the tongue tie early. Did the release. Did the bodywork. Her nursing improved. I thought we were ahead of it. And then the ear infections started. And then the meltdowns at age three. And I kept connecting dots that nobody else seemed to be connecting.

With my youngest, her transfer at a weighted feed was 0.1 ounces. I stood there and stared at that number. I knew what it meant and I still felt floored.

Each time, I was asking questions. Each time, I was getting incomplete answers. Not because the providers were wrong, but because the airway piece was not in their training, or not in their scope, or not something the standard appointment was designed to catch.

The Questions That Actually Get You Somewhere

Looking back, there were a few questions I wish I had known to ask earlier. I share these now because they changed the conversations I was having:

“Is this common, or is this normal?” These are not the same thing. A lot of what children do with their airways is common. That does not make it typical or healthy.

“Could this be connected to how my child is breathing?” Most pediatric appointments are not designed to look at the airway in the way that matters here. Asking the question out loud puts it in the room.

“Is there someone who specializes in this who I could see?” You are allowed to ask for a referral to someone with more specific training. You are allowed to get a second opinion. Asking is not rude. It is advocacy.

“I’d like this noted in the chart.” If you are raising a concern and being told it is not a concern, asking for it to be documented gives it weight. It creates a paper trail. And it changes the tone of the conversation.

What Changed Everything

What changed everything for my family was not a single appointment. It was finding providers who understood that the mouth, tongue, airway, teeth, and sleep are not separate systems. They are the same system.

Once I had that framework, the dots connected fast. And once the dots connected, the path forward became clear.

That is what I want for every parent who has been in that parking lot. Not more appointments. A different kind of appointment. With the right questions, in the right room, with someone who has the training to hear them.

You have been paying attention. That attention is not anxiety. It is information. And you deserve answers that match it.

The free Airway Symptom Checklist is a good place to start — a one-page guide you can use to document what you’re seeing and bring to your next appointment.